You may be too stupid to use a car wash

[Red Baron]

Borrowing from Jeff Foxworthy's "You may be a redneck" gig:

If you think you can enter the IBA at 15 mph and get stopped on the tredle switch, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

If you think there is some reason to enter an IBA at 15 mph, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

If you really and truly don't understand why it isn't ok to blast roofing nails and tar out of your pickup bed, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

If you get mad at the stupid ACW because the receipt printer slot won't take you $5 bill, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

If you think it's ok to tightly braid the foamy brush hose and the wand hose as you and your cousin wash your truck, then have cuz hold them apart as you exit so the hoses don't rip your mirrors off, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

If you think people who don't chew tobacco don't mind stepping in your spittings and seeing it running down the bay walls and meterbox face, You may be too stupid to use a car wash.

Next...

 

[MEP001]

If you put a $5 in the bay meter box and wonder why it didn't give you change...

If you're caught on video doing something stupid and lie about it when confronted...

If you enter the auto bay, run into the arm dragging it across your hood because you straddled the treadle and then ask "Why didn't it come on?"...

If you enter the auto bay without buying a wash, get out and start to leave on foot, then ask "Is it okay if I leave my car there?" then get mad when you receive attitude... (This woman planned to leave her car there to protect it from the hail forecast for that night, but it was more than six hours away and the wash was still busy)

 

[Dan kamsickas]

If you enter the auto bay without buying a wash, get out and start to leave on foot, then ask "Is it okay if I leave my car there?" then get mad when you receive attitude... (This woman planned to leave her car there to protect it from the hail forecast for that night, but it was more than six hours away and the wash was still busy)

Really!?!


If you spill gasoline in the trunk of your car and then use a vacuum to try and suck it up, thus turning the vaccuum into a bomb. (The dome ended up about 100 feet away)

 

[Red Baron]

If you park your car at the ACW, get out, lock your doors, then walk to the Dollar General store to get change for a $20...

 

[Waxman]

If you jam 5 tokens into the credit card reader slot before realizing it is where CREDIT CARDS go, you might be too dumb to use this carwash.

 

[Louise]

If you enter the auto bay, jump the rail, blow your tire trying to extricate yourself and then park in front of the ACW blocking the bay for 45 minutes while you change your tire, you may be - well, an insensitive idiot.

 

[jimmyjj]

If you wait in line behind 5 other cars for 25 minutes on a nice clear day only to get to the credit card acceptor, try positioning your card every way but the correct way as illustrated on the little sign near the credit card reader so the magnetic stripe never gets read, get frustrated and drive away without ever asking the attendant for help. Go home, call our toll free number displayed on all of our signage that also advises to ask the attendant on duty for help, complains to us. (At least she called us, came back and we gave her a free car wash and instructed her on the proper positioning for the card reader to accept the card and while we were instructing her, her cellphone in her pocketbook begins ringing)

 

[Red Baron]

Conversation between myself and a guy who barely spoke English:

Him: I put ten dollar, no wash.
Me: (after getting into the validator to see what he paid) You inserted 2 $1 bills, not 2 $5s.
Him: Yes, I put 10 dollar.
Me: You put in 2 ones, the wash costs $9.
Him: Yes, I put 10 dollar.
Me: Yes you did, my equipment must have failed, I'll just use my credit card.

 

[Jim L.]

Red, you are getting way too soft in your old age!

Recently I got a call that my auto had stolen money from an innocent customer. I arrive at the wash to find the customer parked in front of the ACW and her standing at the rear of her car flagging customers away telling them the car wash is broken. I investigated the situation and found that she had $7 credit on the ACW and had not selected the $7 wash. I pressed the $7 button for her and she began her wash. She overshot the treadle twice, drove off the treadle the end of the presoak pass, got back on and then drove off again in the middle of the final rinse. She then had the nerve to complain that the machine had left soap on her car. I suggested that the next time she needs her car washed she should use the full serve 12 mi. down the road.

 

[Ghetto Wash]

If you try and air up your tire with the fragrance gun on a combo vac.

 

[JMMUSTANG]

A guy calls today and says he put $1 in vac and it only turned on for 5 seconds.
The only vac that does that has grey tape over the coin slot and the hose removed.
I go over there and you can tell the grey tape had been removed and replaced over the coin slot.
Years ago a lady said she put a dollar in the coin slot and nothing turned on.
I open the coin box door and she had folded a dollar bill up and inserted it in the coin slot-go figure. No wonder it didn't turn on. I pointed out the sign says quarters only. She looked at me like I was being a smart a$$.